The Parable of the Printer and Papermaker on Michaelmas

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher why do some Saint’s Days, like Valentine’s Day, live on, while others, like Michaelmas, fade away?”

Josh spoke thus:

A printer and papermaker was mashing pulp.

“Pass me an apple,” the printer and papermaker said to the printer and papermaker’s apprentice.

“Are we making apple paper?” the printer and papermaker’s apprentice asked the printer and papermaker.

“What is apple paper?” the printer and papermaker asked.

“I don’t know,” the printer and papermaker’s apprentice said, “You were making pulp to make paper, and you asked for an apple.  So I thought maybe you were going to make apple paper.”

“You mean put the apple in the pulp?” the printer and papermaker asked.

“We’re not making apple paper?” the printer and papermaker’s apprentice asked.

“I wouldn’t know where to start to make apple paper,” the printer and papermaker said, “And I wouldn’t know where to start to tell you what a dumb idea that is.”

“So what kind of paper are we making?” the printer and papermaker’s apprentice asked.

“We’re making window paper,” the printer and papermaker said, “Every year at Michaelmas, instead of making paper to write on and paper to print on, we make window paper.  We make paper and we put it over our windows, to keep out the winter chill.”

“If we didn’t pulp the wood, and we burned the wood, that would keep out the winter chill,” the printer and papermaker’s apprentice said.

“We pulp wood chips and sawdust,” the printer and papermaker said, “And sawdust doesn’t burn.”

“Wood chips burn,” the printer and papermaker’s apprentice said.

“And we will burn wood chips,” the printer and papermaker said, “If there’s one thing there will never be a shortage of, it’s wood chips.  If there’s one thing there will never be a shortage of, it’s wood.”

“Thank the Lord for wood,” the printer and papermaker’s apprentice said.

“Thank the Lord for paper,” the printer and papermaker said, “And pray that the Lord never finds another way for us to cover our windows.  This window paper is a godsend.”

“There’s glass,” the printer and papermaker’s apprentice said.

“I know there’s glass,” the printer and papermaker said, “You think I don’t know there’s glass?  But glass will always be too expensive for normal people to put on their windows.  People are better off sticking with paper.  There will always be paper.  Because there will always be trees.”

“Amen,” the apprentice said, “So what did you need the apple for?”

“What does anyone need an apple for?” the printer and papermaker said, “I’m hungry.”