The Parable of the Guest and the Host

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher, everyone in Congress, almost, is a millionaire.  Most of what they do protects millionaires.  How can they fight so nastily over the small differences in how they protect millionaires?”

Josh spoke thus:

A guest was standing in a host’s doorway.

“I’m leaving,” the guest said, “Don’t think I won’t leave.”

“It’s two o’clock in the morning,” the host said, “If you have to leave, then I understand.”

“I mean it,” the guest said, “I’ve opened the door, you see I’ve opened the door.”

“I see you’ve opened the door,” the host said.

“Why did I open the door you ask?” the guest said.

“I didn’t ask,” the host said.

“Well you might ask why I opened the door,” the guest said, “Was it to let in the cat?”

“I don’t have a cat,” the host said.

“It wasn’t to let in the cat,” the guest said, “You don’t even have a cat.  Why would I open the door to let in the cat when you don’t even have a cat?”

“You wouldn’t,” the host said.

“I wouldn’t,” the guest said, “So obviously I didn’t open the door to let in the cat.  Was I answering the doorbell?”

“I don’t have a doorbell,” the host said.

“I wasn’t answering the doorbell,” the guest said, “You don’t even have a doorbell.  How could I answer the doorbell if you don’t even have a doorbell?  No, there was only one reason why I would open the door.  Do you know what that is?”

“To leave?” the host asked.

“To leave!” the guest said, “That was why I opened the door!  I opened the door to leave.”

“So you’re leaving?” the host asked.

“Don’t think I won’t,” the guest said, “I mean it, I’m halfway out the door.  The door is open, I’m halfway out.  I’m halfway to leaving.  Another half and I’m all the way out.  I’m that close to being out.  I’m that close to gone.  I’m that close to leaving.”

“But you’re not leaving?” the host asked.

“You can still stop me,” the guest said.

“I want to stop you?” the host asked.

“You only have to do one thing,” the guest said, “And I’ll change my mind and I’ll stay.  Do you know what that one thing is?  Go ahead, guess what that one thing is.  Ask me that one question that will change my mind.”

“Are you saying you want another drink?” the host asked.

“Oh, if you insist,” the guest said. The guest stepped fully inside, closed the door, and said, “A gin and tonic, if you’ve got it.”

“I have no gin,” the host said.

“Are you messing with me?” the guest asked, “Because you know I don’t like being messed with, you know I...”  The guest opened the door again.

“The beer’s in the fridge,” the host said, “You know the beer’s in the fridge.  Why can’t you just say ‘snag me a beer while you’re in there,’ like everyone else?”

“Because you love me this way,” the guest said.  The guest shut the door and went into the kitchen.

“I do love you this way,” the host said. The host reopened the door and said, “But don’t think for a minute I won’t go.” 

“Lager?” the guest asked.

“Lager,” the host said.

The guest came out of the kitchen and tossed the host a lager.

“One of these days, I will leave, you know,” the host said.

“It’s your apartment,” the guest said.

“Oh yeah,” the host said.  The host closed the door and joined the guest on the couch.  “Don’t ever leave me,” the host said.

The guest replied, “Get some gin.”