The Parable of the Alpha Dog Owner

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher, what did Putin seek to gain from writing an op-ed in an American newspaper, and what effect will it have?”

Josh spoke thus:

A dog owner’s dog was barking at the dog owner.

“What are you doing?” the dog owner’s significant other asked.

“I’m showing the dog who’s boss,” the dog owner said.

“The dog knows you’re boss,” the dog owner’s significant other said, “You buy the food, you hold the leash, you drive the car, you open and close the door.  How could you be any more the boss?”

“The dog has been acting territorial,” the dog owner said, “Haven’t you noticed the dog growling at the cat?”

“Dogs growl at cats,” the dog owner’s significant other said, “That’s what dogs do.  They growl at cats.”

“And the dog’s been jumping up on the couch,” the dog’s owner said.

“That’s because you let the dog jump up on the couch,” the dog owner’s significant other said.

“And the dog’s been sleeping in the bed,” the dog owner said.

“That’s because you let the dog sleep in the bed,” the dog owner’s significant other said.

“And the dog’s been climbing up to get food off the dinner table, and off the kitchen counter,” the dog owner said.

“That’s because you let the dog climb up to get food off the dinner table, and you let the dog take food off the kitchen counter,” the dog owner’s significant other said.

“Well now I’m going to stop letting the dog do those things,” the dog owner said.

“By standing in the dog bed?” the dog owner’s significant other asked.

“It’s a territory thing,” the dog owner said, “I read about it in a magazine.  By standing in the dog’s bed, I’m telling the dog that the dog’s bed is mine.  And by extension, everything the dog has or wants is mine.  I’m the alpha, and the dog is the beta.”

“I think I should at least be the beta,” the dog owner’s significant other said, “Let the dog be the gamma.”

“Climb in then,” the dog owner said.

“I have a better idea,” the dog owner’s significant other said, and the dog owner’s significant other left the room.  The dog owner followed the dog owner’s significant other.  The dog owner’s significant other went into the bedroom and stood on the dog owner’s bed.

“Buy me dinner,” the dog owner’s significant other said, “Take me to a movie.  I want to go dancing.”

The dog owner moved to speak, but the dog owner’s significant other silenced the dog owner.

“I’m the alpha,” the dog owner’s significant other said.

The dog entered the bedroom.  The dog and the dog owner looked at each other.  Together they barked at the dog owner’s significant other.