The Parable of the Sumo Wrestler

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher, first the Italians straightened the Leaning Tower of Pisa, now they’ve righted the Costa Concordia.  What will they stand up next, the entire Colosseum?”

Josh spoke thus:

A sumo wrestler was lying on the ground.

“Are you hurt?” the sumo wrestler’s trainer asked the sumo wrestler.  The sumo wrestler didn’t reply.

The sumo wrestler’s trainer knelt on the ground beside the sumo wrestler.  The sumo wrestler’s body dwarfed the sumo wrestler’s trainer.

The sumo wrestler’s trainer examined the sumo wrestler’s face.  The sumo wrestler’s trainer couldn’t tell whether the sumo wrestler was awake, was asleep or was dead.  The sumo wrestler’s trainer waved a hand in front of the sumo wrestler’s face.

“Are you okay?” the sumo wrestler’s trainer asked.  The sumo wrestler didn’t reply.

The sumo wrestler’s trainer felt beneath the sumo wrestler’s nostrils and detected that the sumo wrestler was breathing.  Relieved, the sumo wrestler’s trainer poked the sumo wrestler.  The sumo wrestler giggled.

“That tickles,” the sumo wrestler said.

“You’re okay!” the sumo wrestler’s trainer said, “You had me worried.”

“I’ve thrown out my back,” the sumo wrestler said, “You have to help me up.”

“I’ll call a doctor,” the sumo wrestler’s trainer said.

“I don’t need a doctor,” the sumo wrestler said, “I need to stand up.”

“If it’s your back, you shouldn’t move,” the sumo wrestler’s trainer said.  The sumo wrestler snatched at the sumo wrestler’s trainer’s neck, latching on to the sumo wrestler’s trainer’s throat, and said, “I need to stand up.  Get under me.”

“Under you?” the sumo wrestler’s trainer said, “That’s impossible.”

The sumo wrestler shoved the sumo wrestler’s trainer underneath the sumo wrestler’s belly.

“Now stand,” the sumo wrestler said.

The sumo wrestler’s trainer attempted to stand, but the sumo wrestler’s weight made standing impossible.

“Kneel first,” the sumo wrestler said.  The sumo wrestler’s trainer kneeled.

“Now push with your arms and legs,” the sumo wrestler said.  The sumo wrestler’s trainer obeyed.  The sumo wrestler rolled away from the sumo wrestler’s trainer, finishing in a sitting position.

“Now pull my arms,” the sumo wrestler said.  The sumo wrestler’s trainer pulled the sumo wrestler’s arms.  The sumo wrestler didn’t budge.

“Maybe that’s too much,” the sumo wrestler said, “Try something smaller.  Just pull my finger.”

The sumo wrestler’s trainer pulled the sumo trainer’s finger.  The sumo wrestler broke wind with a great trumpeting sound.  The sumo wrestler laughed a hearty laugh.

“Really?” the sumo wrestler’s trainer asked, “All of that for a childish joke?”

“That’s not the best part,” the sumo wrestler said.

“What’s the best part?” the sumo wrestler’s trainer asked.

“I’ve got nine more fingers!” the sumo wrestler said. The sumo wrestler grabbed the sumo wrestler’s trainer and sat on top of the sumo wrestler’s trainer.

“It’s all that rice you feed me,” the sumo wrestler said, “All those carbs.  I’m gassy as a zeppelin.  Now, help me count: that’s one, that’s two, that’s three...”