The Parable of the Biologist and the Fruit Flies

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher, is online dating replacing the bar as the preferred method to find potential mates?”

Josh spoke thus:

A biologist was talking about the behavior of fruit flies.

The female fruit fly, the biologist was explaining, was not always attracted to what would seem to be the physically most attractive male fruit fly.

“What do you mean by physically most attractive?” the biologist’s audience asked.

The biologist said that there were a number of different measures scientists considered to be physical traits that would attract a potential mate.

“Name one,” the audience said.

The most obvious attribute, the biologist said, was size.

“So size does matter,” the biologist’s audience said.  This elicited a laugh.

The biologist went on to explain that size wasn’t everything.  The joke from the audience and the audience’s laughter had implied the audience’s acceptance of that principle, but the biologist considered the point worth stressing.  The audience humored the biologist.

The biologist next cited symmetry as an attractive trait in a potential mate.

“So if I were lopsided, that would make me less attractive?” the biologist’s audience asked.

The biologist indicated that which physical trait was lopsided was important.  A male hermit crab, for instance, had extreme asymmetry in its claws, the biologist pointed out, and this was considered an attractive trait to the female hermit crab.

“Size matters, again,” the biologist’s audience said.  Again there was a laughter response.  The biologist’s audience then asked, “What was the big thing that attracted the lady fruit flies?”

Moving past the innuendo, the biologist reintroduced the interesting departure from expected behavior by female fruit flies.  Female fruit flies, the biologist said, were less interested in the what would be considered the most physically desirable potential mate than they were interested in the potential mate that the other female fruit flies found most interesting.

“So, if you weren’t the most attractive person in this room,” the biologist’s audience said, “But you were the person the most females were paying attention to, that would in turn make you more attractive to the remaining females in the room?”

The biologist indicated in the affirmative.

“So do you think that’s why girls chase boys with girlfriends?” the biologist’s audience asked.

The biologist indicated that there was a great potential in studying that hypothesis.

The biologist’s audience replied, “Dude, that is the worst pick-up line ever, but you’re cute.  Buy me a drink.”