The Parable of the Novice Cook and the Omelet

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher, how did anyone live in the Southwest before air conditioning?”

Josh spoke thus:

A novice cook was attempting to make omelets.

The novice cook had read numerous cookbooks and had seen numerous television programs and had talked to numerous people about making omelets, and the novice cook was confident in being able to cook a great omelet.

The novice cook had gathered all the necessary ingredients.  The novice cook had eggs, of course.  The novice cook was unsure how many eggs to use first time out, especially since the novice cook, being a novice, wasn’t sure about the sizing of eggs.  How big was a large, or a medium, or an extra large?  Yes, the novice cook could see that a large was bigger than a medium, and an extra large larger than that, but in terms of percentages, the novice cook was ignorant.

The novice cook had butter.  The novice cook also had olive oil, because olive oil was healthier than butter, but the novice cook had heard and read that butter made everything taste better.  And the novice cook was not concerned about cholesterol; the novice cook was concerned about taste.  Still, the novice cook had the olive oil handy.

The novice cook had salt and pepper, of course.  Cooking was impossible without salt and pepper.  The novice cook had some onions and some green peppers, and some red peppers, and some cheese.  The novice cook knew that jumping ahead was a bad tactic when learning a new cooking skill, but a western omelet seemed appropriate, what with its being a very hot day.  It was midmorning, and already the thermometer indicated a temperature in excess of one hundred degrees Fahrenheit.

The heat concerned the novice cook.  Working in the heat didn’t bother the novice cook.  The novice cook had grown up in the heat.  What concerned the novice cook was the heat of the cooking surface.  The novice cook’s cooking surface was unreliable.  The novice cook’s cooking surface didn’t have accurate controls.  This meant that the cook couldn’t time the omelet’s progress, the progress of the cooking of the eggs, to a preferable degree.  But the cooking surface that the novice cook had was the cooking surface that the novice cook had, and nothing was going to change that.

Per instruction, the novice cook cracked two eggs and put them in a bowl.  The novice cook then stirred the eggs briskly, being sure not to over-agitate them.  The novice cook than added some salt and pepper to the eggs.  Lastly, the novice cook placed some butter on the cooking surface.  When the novice cook judged the butter to be properly melted and the cooking surface to be properly prepared, the novice cook began to pour the eggs onto the cooking surface.

A park ranger came running up to the novice cook.

“What are you doing?” the park ranger shouted.

“I’m cooking an omelet,” the novice cook said.

“But you’re pouring the eggs onto the sidewalk!” the park ranger said.

“I wanted to see if it was hot enough to cook an egg,” the novice cook said.

“That’s just an expression!” the park ranger said, “And you fry an egg, you don’t make an omelet!  And you especially don’t make an omelet directly on the sidewalk!  You use a pan!”

“Look!” the novice cook said, “They’re cooking!”

The eggs were cooking on the sidewalk.

“Keep the eggs moving!” the park ranger said, “You don’t want them to stick!  Move over, let me show you.”

The park ranger grabbed two more eggs and the bowl.