The Parable of the Elderly Observer

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher, are we being so inundated by progress that we are losing the now?”

Josh spoke thus:

An elderly observer was appalled.

“Where is the remote control?” the elderly observer asked, “I want to change the channel.”

The elderly observer was informed that the elderly observer could not change the channel.

“That’s what they always say,” the elderly person said, “That’s what they said when the Russians invaded Ethiopia.  That’s what they said when the Nazis laid siege to Vienna.  That’s what they said when the Chinese bombed Saigon.”

The elderly observer was informed that the Russians had not invaded Ethiopia, that the Nazis had never laid siege to Vienna, that the Chinese had never bombed Saigon.

“And I suppose the Sherman never marched to the sea,” the elderly observer said, “That Grant never encircled Vicksburg, that Lee never invaded Pennsylvania.”

The points were conceded that Sherman had marched to the sea, that Grant had encircled Vicksburg and that Lee had invaded Pennsylvania.

“That’s right!” the elderly observer said, “Lee invaded Pennsylvania.  Don’t tell me I don’t know Lee invaded Pennsylvania.  And don’t tell me Castro didn’t invade Cuba.”

Castro’s invasion of Cuba was not questioned.

“They won’t tell you we gave Castro guns,” the elderly observer said, “Even though it was unconstitutional without a declaration of war.  There hasn’t been a declaration of war since Pearl Harbor.

“And now,” the elderly observer continued, “We’ve got the Chinese coming, and the Indians, and the Mexicans and the Jews.”

The elderly observer was asked whether there was a war against the Chinese, the Indians, the Mexicans and the Jews.

“There ought to be!” the elderly observer said, “They’ve got China and India and Mexico and the Middle East.  We just spent ten years cleaning up the Middle East.  Now they’re bringing their wars here from the Middle East.  There hasn’t been a war declared since Pearl Harbor.”

The elderly observer was asked who was bringing the war from the Middle East.  The elderly observer was asked whether it was the Chinese, the Indians, the Mexicans or the Jews who were bringing the war.

“All of them!” the elderly observer said, “We need to build our fences!  We need no amnesty!  We need voter identification!  And we need to change the channel!”

The elderly observer was again informed that the elderly observer could not change the channel.

“I want to change the channel!” the elderly observer said, “Why can’t I change the channel?”

The elderly observer was informed that the reason that the elderly observer could not change the channel was that the elderly observer was not observing a television, but rather that the elderly observer was observing out a window.

The elderly observer replied, “Then close the curtains.  I hate it when it rains.”