The Parable of the Two Martyrs

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher, in a world of random mass killings, political grandstanding over gun possession, fiscal justifications as arguments for and against wars that kill tens of thousands and a population desensitized by constant media sensationalism, has terrorism been relegated to a form of publicity stunt?”

Josh spoke thus:

A martyr was going to be late.

“This happens every time,” the martyr said.

“Every time?” a fellow martyr asked the martyr, “How many times have you been martyred?”

“Well, not being martyred, obviously,” the martyr said, “I just mean whenever I have something important to do, there’s a delay.”

“I don’t see any problem with a delay,” the fellow martyr said.

“It’s not this delay I have a problem with in particular,” the martyr said, “It’s the fact that there is always a delay.”

“Like when, for instance?” the fellow martyr asked.

“For instance, like for my wedding,” the martyr said, “My grandparent was sick, died almost, so I had to delay my wedding.”

“Did your grandparent hate your future spouse so much your grandparent almost died?” the fellow martyr said.

“Don't be funny,” the martyr said, “There was a tremendous fuss.  The wedding was almost canceled.”

“So you’re married?” the fellow martyr asked, and you want to be a martyr?”

“I learned it from my spouse,” the martyr said.

“Now who’s being funny?” the fellow martyr asked.

“My spouse was martyred,” the martyr said, “In a government raid.  The government came in and slaughtered half the village.”

“Is that martyrdom or victimhood?” the fellow martyr asked.

“We are in a war,” the martyr said, “Anyone who dies is a martyr.”

“So are you looking to be a martyr or are you looking for revenge?” the fellow martyr asked.

“The two can be mutually exclusive but parallel,” the martyr said, “Why are you here?”

“I am here for the same purpose as you,” the fellow martyr said.

“I mean, why did you join the cause?” the martyr said, “What is your motivation?  Who died?”

“Nobody died,” the fellow martyr said, “I am a political refugee.”

“You mean you’re unemployed?” the martyr asked.

“I’m an alienated youth passed over by a society that values global profit over the needs of the people,” the fellow martyr said.

“Now who’s claiming victimhood?” the martyr asked.

“I just want to get on this flight,” the fellow martyr said.

“Maybe you should apply for a job as an air traffic controller,” the martyr said, “Then you would have a job, and I could be on time for a change.”

“It’s embarrassing being late for your own martyrdom,” the fellow martyr said.

The martyr replied, “Word that.”