The Parable of the Constitutional King

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher, at what point does a de facto oligarchy become an actual aristocracy?”

Josh spoke thus:

An oligarch and a king stood watching a parade to celebrate the king’s birthday.

“I am amazed,” the oligarch said to the king.

“At the quality of the music?” the king asked, “I always wonder at how they can march so well and play so well at the same time.  I can’t even drive and text at the same time.”

“You drive?” the oligarch asked, “Don’t you have a chauffeur?”

“Of course I do,” the king said, “It was a joke.”

“The bands are not what amaze me,” the oligarch said.

“Is it the power of my military?” the king asked, “Because really, we’re not an imposing military power.  We are a modest constitutional monarchy with a citizen army.  And nobody really wants to invade us, and if anyone does invade us, America will protect us.”

“I admit your hardware is more technologically advanced than I would have expected for a nation that, as far as I know, hasn’t been in a war in generations,” the oligarch said.

“And neither do we expect to,” the king said, “We have peaceful neighbors.  And our populace is contented as a whole, so we have no fear of uprisings.  Which is good, because each member of the military would have to suppress itself, with our military being the populace, and all.  It would never do for each individual to suppress their own individual civil liberties.  It would be embarrassing.”

“That is another joke?” the oligarch asked.

“That is another joke,” the king said, “But what is it that amazes you so?  Is it the love my people display for me?  I assure you their love of me is a love of themselves.  They adore their constitutional monarchy.  And they like a good party.  My birthday is a national birthday, and my birthday celebration is a celebration of the nation.”

“That’s very constitutional of you,” the oligarch said.

“It is very sincere, I assure you,” the king said.

“And that is what amazes me so,” the oligarch said.

“That I am sincere in my love of my nation and my people?” the king asked, “Or that they are so sincere in their love of me and themselves?”

“It’s the openness of it,” the oligarch said, “How can you be a king out in the open like that?  We oligarchs must constantly deny our oligarchy.  Our aristocracy is dependent on its never being an aristocracy.  You openly refer to yourself as king.”

“That’s because I have no power,” the king said.

“Then what’s the point?” the oligarch asked.

The king replied, “I like the parades.”