The Parable of the Large Family Around the Large Table

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, “Teacher, if terrorism is about controlling the message in an asymmetrical conflict, is control of the message the ultimate weapon?”

Josh spoke thus:

A large family was eating a large meal at a large table.  The head of the large family was a large man.  The large man was married to a large woman.  The large man and the large woman had four large sons.  The four large sons had four large wives.  Each of the four large sons and their four large wives had four large sons.  All except one small son.  There were 15 large sons, and one small son.  They called the one small son Paul Bunyan, as a joke.

The large table was laid with a large meal.  There were large cuts of meat from large bulls, from large pigs, from large chickens and from large fish.  There were large loaves of bread, and large pats of butter.  There were large wooden bowls filled with large salads made from large tomatoes, large heads of lettuce, large carrots, large onions, even large bacon bits.  There were large spoons and large forks, and the knives were so large that when he made them, the local blacksmith was convinced he was making swords, not dinner knives.

Around the large table sat twenty-six large chairs.  And in the twenty-six large chairs were twenty-five large posteriors and one small one.  Paul Bunyan was dwarfed by the chair.  Paul Bunyan was dwarfed by the table.  Paul Bunyan was dwarfed by the large cuts of meat, by the large bowls of salad, even by the large bacon bits.  And when Paul Bunyan held a large dinner knife, Paul Bunyan may as well have been holding a sword.

Mostly, though, Paul Bunyan was dwarfed by Paul Bunyan’s fifteen siblings and cousins.  Paul Bunyan was dwarfed by Paul Bunyan’s six uncles and six aunts.  Paul Bunyan was dwarfed by Paul Bunyan’s mother and father.  Especially, Paul Bunyan was dwarfed by Paul Bunyan’s grandmother and grandfather.  Paul Bunyan’s grandmother and grandfather were enormous.

Paul Bunyan’s large family was making a large noise around the large dinner table.  Paul Bunyan, unheard, asked for someone to pass a large loaf of bread.  Paul Bunyan, unheard, asked for someone to pass a large butter patty.  Paul Bunyan, unheard, asked for someone to pass a leg of lamb, a hock of ham, a wing of chicken, a rump of roast.  Paul Bunyan could not reach the large food on the large table, and Paul Bunyan could not make himself heard above the large noise of Paul Bunyan’s large family.

Paul Bunyan turned to Paul Bunyan’s large dog, a large mastiff that always sat by Paul Bunyan’s side at meals, waiting for scraps.

“Grab me a chicken leg, will you?” Paul Bunyan asked Paul Bunyan’s large mastiff.  Paul Bunyan motioned for the large mastiff to climb up on the table.  Delighted by the invitation, the large mastiff leapt up amid the large meal.

The large family made a large noise of protest.

“My ham!” one shouted.

“My salad!” another shouted.

“Stay out of the potatoes!” a third shouted.

“Let go of that chicken!” a fourth shouted.

The mastiff was shooed off the table, dropping a chicken leg in Paul Bunyan’s lap as it descended.

“Good boy!” Paul Bunyan said, as the mastiff left the room with the remainder of the chicken.

“Whoever taught that dog such horrible manners?” the large head of the household asked the others around the table.  Nobody knew where the large mastiff had gotten its horrible manners.

Paul Bunyan smiled and ate his chicken leg.