The Parable of the Two Guerrillas Observing an Hotel

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, “Teacher, is it Western Democracy we or exporting when we give aid to other countries?”

Josh spoke thus:

Two guerrillas were looking at a tourist hotel.

“It has to be an American,” the first guerrilla said, “We need to kidnap an American.”

“An American?” the second guerrilla said, “We always take Americans.  There’s no value in Americans anymore.”

“We always take Americans because the Americans have the most money,” the first guerrilla said, “America is the richest country in the world.”

“Some Americans are the richest people in the world, yes,” the second guerrilla said, “But Americans are some of the poorest people in the world.”

“Not the Americans who come here,” the first guerrilla said.

“The Americans who come here are students and journalists,” the second guerrilla said, “When have you ever met a rich student or journalist?”

“The students who come here have rich parents,” the first guerrilla said, “And the journalists work for giant corporations.”

“The students come here to help our people,” the second guerrilla said, “They love our country after coming here, and when they go home, the tell everyone how much our people need help.”

“The students who come here are rich, condescending brats who treat us like museum pieces,” the first guerrilla said, “If they want to do us the most good, they should come to us, let us kidnap them, write to their parents to send money to rescue them and give us the money when their parents send it.  That’s a lot more valuable to us than the warm and fuzzy feelings they bring home.  They help us, we get money.  Win-win.”

“The journalists are here to champion our cause,” the second guerrilla said.

“The journalists are here for a good story,” the first guerrilla said, “A kidnapping is a good story.  If they want a good story, they should let us take them, they should write to their corporations to send us money to release them, we should take the money and give the journalists back.  They get a good story, we get money.  Win-win.”

“You talk about what we do like it’s a business,” the second guerrilla said, “Like banana exports.”

“It’s banana republic exports,” the first guerrilla said, “It’s geopolitical tourism.  Helping Third World countries is politically correct colonialism.  They’re still oppressing us, in the name of helping us.  We can’t escape the hegemony.”

“You’re in a cynical mood today,” the second guerrilla said.

“I’m sorry,” the first guerrilla said, “I’m in a bit of a mood today.  I think maybe I just need something in my stomach.”

“What do you want for breakfast?” the second guerrilla asked.

“I don’t know,” the first guerrilla said, “There’s a McDonalds on the next block.  Or Starbucks, maybe?  I could kill a mocha latte and a bagel right now.”