The Parable of the Two Drunks and the Single Bottle of Beer

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher, when someone pushes a boulder out of the way in a national park, to prevent the bolder falling on passersby, is that an act of charity or of vandalism?”

Josh spoke thus:

Two drunks came back from the bathroom and went to regain their bottles of beer.  When approached the bar, there was only one beer where they stood.  It was full.

“Hey, there’s only one beer here,” one of the drunks said.

“What did you do with your beer?” the other drunk asked.

“What do you mean what did I do with my beer?” the first drunk said, “That’s my beer there, on the bar.”

“That’s not your beer,” the second drunk said, “That’s my beer.  You must have taken your beer into the bathroom.”

“Who takes their beer to the bathroom?” the first drunk asked, “The bathroom’s where I go to relieve myself of beer, not where I go to get beer.  You must have taken yours to the bathroom.”

“If I’d taken my beer to the bathroom, I’d have it in my hand,” the second drunk said, “Do you see a beer in my hand?”

“Do you see one in mine?’ the first drunk said, “I’m telling you, that’s my beer on the bar.”

“The heck with it,” the second drunk said, “I’ll just order another.  If the other beer’s in the bathroom when I go again, I’ll take it.  Let’s just say this one here is yours.”

“I already told you it’s mine,” the first drunk said.

“Whatever,” the second drunk said.  The second drunk asked the bartender for another beer.  The bartender told the second drunk that it was after last call and the bar was closed.

“We can share,” the second drunk said.

“I’m not sharing,” the first drunk said, “You go get your beer out of the bathroom.”

The second drunk went to the bathroom.  There was not a beer in the bathroom.  The second drunk returned to the bar and told the first drunk that there was no beer in the bathroom.

“Let’s share,” the second drunk said.

“You wouldn’t share, if it was your beer,” the first drunk said.

“I’m telling you this one here is my beer, and I want to share it,” the second drunk said.

The first drunk moved to grab the beer. The second drunk moved to stop the first drunk from grabbing the beer.  Their combined hands knocked the beer bottle to the floor, where it shattered.

“Hey!” a large man shouted from the pool table, “What did you do with my beer?”

The two drunks didn’t answer.  Instead the two drunks ran for the door, reaching for their jackets which were lying on the bar.  Next to each of their jackets was a full bottle of beer.  The drunks grabbed their two bottles and ran out of the bar.