The Parable of the Chicken Producer

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher, what effect will it have on the energy conservation movement in America that the U.S. will export more oil than Russia this year and consume less oil than China?”

Josh spoke thus:

A chicken producer was standing looking at a pen full of chickens.  The chicken producer glared at the chickens.

“All my life, I’ve been raising chickens,” the chicken producer said, “And I don’t even like chickens.  Chickens are noisy.  Chickens are dirty.  Chickens are foul tempered.”

The chickens didn’t reply to the chicken producer.

“And the money’s not all that great,” the chicken producer said to the chickens, “When you consider chicken poop smells horrible.  I have to wash out your pens every morning, every afternoon, and every night, and still you chickens poop, poop, poop.  And every morning, and every afternoon and every night, the chicken poop smells as bad as it did the last morning, the last afternoon and the last night, and every morning before that, and every afternoon before that and every night before that.  Every single morning, every single afternoon and every single night, every single one of you chickens poops, and every single morning and every single afternoon and every single night I clean your poop, and every single morning and every single afternoon and every single night, the poop stinks.”

The chickens offered no apologies for their poop.

“And you’re bland,” the chicken producer told the chickens, “You need eleven herbs and spices to get people to eat you.  That or tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese--I mean don’t get me wrong, I like tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese myself, but I’ll take veal parmesan over chicken parmesan any day.  Veal has so much more taste.  Or maybe some curry or some taco sauce will spice you up, but you notice that?  All those amazing sauces you can have with chicken?  That’s because chicken is boring!  Boring, boring, boring!  They say everything tastes like chicken.  Alligator?  Tastes like chicken.  Rattlesnake?  Tastes like chicken.  Monitor lizard?  Tastes like chicken.  But you know what doesn’t taste like chicken?  Chicken!  Because chicken doesn’t taste like anything!”

The chickens offered no apologies for their lack of taste.

The chicken producer’s spouse approached the pen.

“Yelling at the chickens again?” the chicken producer’s spouse asked the chicken producer.

“It keeps them in line,” the chicken producer said, “We don’t want them getting cocky because we had record sales for the third year in a row.”

“They don’t get cocky,” the chicken producer’s spouse said, “They’re chickens.”

“They’re gold,” the chicken producer said.  The chicken producer snapped an angry look at a nearby chicken.  

“What are you looking at?” the chicken producer asked the nearby chicken, “Get back to eating, like all the others.  Get fat, like all the others.  What do you think you are, special?  You’re not special, you’re a chicken!”

“Gold,” the chicken producer said to the chicken producer’s spouse.