The Parable of the Slow News Day

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher, is there too much news for us to absorb?”

Josh spoke thus:

A television reporter was making choices for the evening’s broadcast.

“What a slow news day,” the television reporter said to the producer of the evening news program, “Only three terrorist bombings, two murders, one celebrity rehab and a missile strike.”

“There was football,” the producer said.

“I don’t do football,” the television reporter said.

“There was a major storm,” the producer said.

“I don’t do weather,” the television reporter said.

“There was a new vote on the budget,” the producer said.

“I don’t do the budget,” the television reporter said.

“What’s wrong with three terrorist bombings?” the producer asked.

“Terrorist bombings have been done to death,” the television reporter said, “And three is a bit of overkill don’t you think?  They might have spread them out.”

“I don’t think they were planning them that way,” the producer said.

“Well they should have planned them that way,” the television reporter said, “One a week would be best, one a day if they have to.  They’re stepping on each others’ news cycles.  If they can plan three bombings, they can coordinate three bombings.  If they can’t coordinate three bombings, they shouldn’t plan three bombings.”

“They’re in three different parts of the world,” the producer said.

“All the more reason to stagger them better,” the television reporter said, “You stick them all in one day, they cancel each other out.”

“Maybe they shouldn’t have blown people up during football season,” the producer said.

“Maybe they should have blown up football season,” the television reporter said, “That would have been news.”

“Maybe they could have blown up the major storm,” the producers said.

“Now you’re just being facetious,” the television reporter said.

“Maybe they could have blown up the budget,” the producer said.

“Nobody would have noticed,” the television reporter said.

“Maybe they could have struck a celebrity rehab facility with a missile,” the producer said.

“Let’s just say they might,” the television reporter said, “We could do an investigative exclusive.”

“Okay,” the producer said, “But only because it’s a slow news day.”