The Parable of the Two Surprises

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher, how is a left-wing witch hunt any less intolerable than a right-wing witch hunt?”

Josh spoke thus:

A younger sibling approached an older sibling who was reading a magazine.

“Do you want to hear something awesome?” the younger sibling asked the older sibling.

The older sibling was wearing ear buds and didn’t hear the younger sibling’s question.  The younger sibling tapped the older sibling on the shoulder.

“Wanna know something awesome?” the younger sibling asked the older sibling.

The older sibling continued reading the magazine and waved at the younger sibling to go away.  The younger sibling tapped the older sibling again, this time quite hard.

“It’s awesome!” the younger sibling said.

“What?” the older sibling asked, removing the ear buds.

“I’m not supposed to tell you,” the younger sibling said.

“You’re not supposed to tell me what?” the older sibling asked.

“I can’t say,” the younger sibling said.  The older sibling frowned and moved to replace the ear buds.

“It’s awesome though!” the younger sibling said.  The older sibling let the ear buds drop.

“What’s awesome?” the older sibling asked.

“I can’t say,” the younger sibling said, “I can only say it’s awesome.”

“Is it a secret?” the older sibling said, “Because you’re not supposed to tell secrets.”

“It’s a surprise,” the younger sibling said, “It’s for Christmas.”

“You didn’t find presents did you?” the older sibling asked.

“Find what presents?” the younger sibling said, “Santa didn’t come yet.”

“Oh yeah,” the older sibling said, “Man, are you in for a surprise.”

“What?” the younger sibling asked, “Is it a bigger surprise than my surprise?”

“I’m pretty sure it is,” the older sibling said.

“My surprise is really big!” the younger sibling said.

“Mine’s pretty big too,” the older sibling said.

“What’s yours?” the younger sibling said.

“What’s yours first?” the older sibling said.”

“Grandma is coming for Christmas!” the younger sibling said.

“Grandma comes every Christmas,” the older sibling said, “That’s not a surprise.”

The younger sibling did not reply.

“That wasn’t the surprise was it?” the older sibling asked.  The younger sibling remained silent.  “You didn’t have a surprise, did you?” the older sibling asked, “You just came in to bug me.”

“What was your surprise?” the younger sibling asked quietly.

“I was going to tell you who wasn’t coming for Christmas,” the older sibling said, “But I’m going to let it stay a surprise.”

“I like surprises!” the younger sibling said.

“Go tell Mom I know the surprise of who’s not coming for Christmas, but I’m not telling you,” the older sibling said.

The younger sibling rushed to tell their mother about the surprise of who wasn’t coming for Christmas. A few moments later, the younger sibling returned.

“Mom says to tell you that nobody’s not coming for Christmas,” the younger sibling said, “Who’s nobody?”

“No one,” the older sibling said, “I don’t have a surprise either.”

“Can I see your magazine?” the younger sibling asked.

“Stop bugging me,” the older sibling said, tossing the younger sibling the magazine.