The Parable of the Topsy Turvy Pan

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher, on Max Planck’s birthday, how might we make Christmas a little more quantum?”

Josh spoke thus:

Peter Pan and Captain Hook were sitting at a table in a pub.

“Once,” Captain Hook said, “Just once I’d like to win.”

“You can’t win,” Peter Pan said, “You’re Captain Hook.  You get eaten by the crocodile.”

“Maybe I don’t have to win,” Captain Hook said, “Maybe I just don’t get eaten by the crocodile.”

“If you don’t get eaten by the crocodile, you don’t lose,” Peter Pan said.

“Is that so bad, me not losing?” Captain Hook asked.

“It’s terrible,” Peter Pan said, “Your not losing is tantamount to your winning.”

“Which brings me back to my first point,” Captain Hook said, “Just once I’d like to win.  Why do you win all the time?  You’re creepy.”

“How am I creepy?” Peter Pan asked.

“A child who never grows up?” Captain Hook said, “Tell me how that isn’t creepy.”

“It’s everyone’s dream,” Peter Pan said.

“It’s everyone’s nightmare,” Captain Hook said, “Every child wants to be a grown up.”

“And every grown up wants to be a child,” Peter Pan said.

“It’s a topsy turvy world,” Captain Hook said.

“Even more so at Christmas,” Peter Pan said.

“How so?” Captain Hook asked.

“Christmas used to be a topsy turvy carnival,” Peter Pan said, “When the servants became the masters for a day, and the masters were the servants.”

“See?” Captain Hook said, “That’s what I’m talking about.  Let’s be topsy turvy.  Let’s have you eaten by the crocodile, and me flying off with Wendy.”

“What’s your problem?” Peter Pan asked, “You’re already the star of the show.”

“How am I the star of the show?”  Captain Hook asked.

“It’s you the children remember,” Peter Pan said, “It’s you they boo.  It’s you they hiss.  It’s you they talk about afterwards.  It’s you they all pretend to be in when they’re playing games next day.”

The front and back of the pantomime horse, out of costume, came into the pub.

“What do you think?” Captain Hook asked the front and back of the pantomime horse, “Should we do a topsy turvy night one night?  The crocodile eats Pan, and Hook gets the girl.”

“Heck,” the back of the horse said, “I’ll eat Pan myself, if it means I don’t have to be a horse’s butt.”