The Parable of the Two Alphas

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher, on the tenth anniversary of the start of the Iraq War, what do you think the American leaders were trying to achieve?”

Josh spoke thus:

Two young men in a bar were in need of attention.

“What we need,” the first young man said to the second young man, “Is to be alpha.”

“Like a fraternity?” the second young man asked.

“Not like a fraternity,” the first young man said, “Like a wolf.  We need to be alpha males.”

“Like monkeys?  Like troop leaders?” asked the second young man.

“Troop leaders are for cub scouts,” the first young man said, “We’re not monkeys.  We’re wolves.  We’re two alpha wolves.  Follow my lead.”

The first young man turned to a very tall young man standing next to him at the bar.  He gave the very tall young man a shove.

“Excuse me,” the very tall young man said politely.  The very tall young man moved to give the first young man space at the bar.

“You can’t say that to me!” the first young man shouted at the very tall young man.

“Hey man, I said I’m sorry,” the very tall young man said.

The first young man shoved the very tall young man again and shouted, “You say that about my girl again!  Just say that about my girl again!”

“What girl?” the very tall young man asked.

The first young man shoved the very tall young man a third time.

“Hey, stop shoving!” the very tall young man said.

“Yeah, you better back off!” the first young man shouted, “You better just back off!”

“What’s your problem?” the very tall young man asked.  The very tall young man was becoming angry.  The first young man shoved the very tall young man as hard as he could.  The very tall young man fell back into a group of young women standing behind him.

“Yeah, hide with your girls!” the first young man said, and he moved as though lunging at the very tall young man.  First, though, he whispered to the second young man, “Hold me back.”

The second young man held the first young man, who feigned a lunge at the very tall young man.  Embarrassed and fully angry now, the very tall young man moved to grab the first young man.  Before the very tall young man could reach the first young man, a group of bar bouncers arrived to break up the fight.

“I got him!  I got him!” the second young man yelled to the bouncers.

“Get him out of here!” the bouncers yelled at the second young man.  The first young man allowed the second young man to drag him out of the bar, but all the while the first young man shouted at and feigned attacks at the very tall young man.

When the first young man and second young man were outside, the second young man said to the first young man, “Are you crazy?  There was no way you were going to win that fight!”

“What fight?” the first young man said, “The bouncers were never going to let that be a fight.  Do you ever see wolves actually fight?  They don’t have to fight.  They just have to be alpha.  Look.”

As the first young man and the second young man walked away from the bar, they could see the group of young women into whom the very tall young man had been shoved looking out of the bar.  They were watching the first young man and the second young man walk away.

The first young man smiled and said, “Mission accomplished.”