The Parable of the Astrologer's Chart

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher, a riddle: how is the Papal Enclave like American Idol?”

Josh spoke thus:

An astrologer’s spouse found the astrologer weeping.

“What is the matter?” the astrologer’s spouse asked the astrologer.

The astrologer showed the astrologer’s spouse a chart on a table.

“Is it Libra?” the astrologer’s spouse asked.

“Of course it’s Libra,” the astrologer said, “I am a Libra.”

The astrologer’s spouse was strongly apprehensive.

“Is it bad?” the astrologer’s spouse asked.

“It’s worse than bad,” the astrologer said.

“Are you dying?” the astrologer’s spouse asked.

“We are all dying,” the astrologer said, “Dying isn’t bad.”

“If you’re dying this morning, it’s bad,” the astrologer’s spouse said.

“I’m not dying this morning,” the astrologer said.

“Are you sick?” the astrologer’s spouse asked.

“I’m not sick,” the astrologer said.

“Are you leaving me?” the astrologer’s spouse asked.

“I could never leave you,” the astrologer said.

“Is there going to be a terrible storm?” the astrologer’s spouse asked.

“It’s March, there’s always a terrible storm in March,” the astrologer said.

The astrologer’s spouse looked at the chart again.  The astrologer’s spouse did not totally understand the astrologer’s charts, but the astrologer’s wife had been married to the astrologer long enough and had looked over the astrologer’s shoulder often enough that the astrologer’s spouse could recognize patterns on the astrologer’s charts.

“This row here looks pretty passive,” the astrologer’s spouse said, “And there doesn’t seem to be anything in this column.”

“That row is passive,” the astrologer said, “And there is nothing in that column.”

The astrologer’s spouse looked at the chart a while longer.

“There’s not much going on down here,” the astrologer’s spouse said, “Or up there.  Or down here.  There doesn’t seem to be much happening on this chart at all.  What is this chart?”

“It is my chart,” the astrologer said, “I have charted out my entire life.”

The astrologer’s spouse looked at the chart again.  The astrologer’s spouse let out a relieved sigh.

“I was afraid there was some big thing coming,” the astrologer’s spouse said, “But there’s nothing.  There’s nothing at all.  Why were you weeping?”

The astrologer replied, “Because there is nothing at all.”