The Parable of the Squirrel

Josh lives.  Josh walks.  Josh breathes.  Josh speaks. 

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher, is it true that the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun?”

Josh spoke thus:

A squirrel was stealing seed.

The gun runner from whom the squirrel stole the seed was at a loss.

The gun runner was told that if he put tin foil halfway up the pole on top of which his bird feeder sat, then the foil would dissuade the squirrel from climbing the pole, and the seed would be saved for the birds.

The foil dissuaded the squirrel, but the squirrel dropped from an overhanging tree branch onto the the bird feeder and continued to steal seed.

The gun runner was told that if he put a carving of an owl in the tree with the overhanging branch, the carving of an owl would fool and frighten the squirrel, and the seed would be saved for the birds.

The carving of an owl fooled and frightened the squirrel, but the squirrel attacked and destroyed the carving of an owl.

The gun runner was told that if he put pebbles in the seed, the squirrel would bite a pebble and hurt itself.  This, the gun runner was told, would convince the squirrel that the seed was harmful, and the seed would be saved for the birds.

The squirrel scattered the pebbles around the base of the pole on top of which the bird feeder sat.

“You have guns,” the gun runner was reminded, “You are a gun runner.”

“I am a gun runner,” the gun runner said, “I run guns, I do not shoot guns.”

“You carry a gun,” the gun runner was told, “Your crew carry guns.  Your allies carry guns.  Your enemies carry guns.  You live in a world totally overrun with guns.”

“I do not shoot guns,” the gun runner said.

“Try shooting a gun,” the gun runner was told, “And see how it works.”

The gun runner chose a gun to shoot.  It was a more difficult choice than might be expected.  Gun runners have a wide variety of guns from which to choose.  Eventually he chose a gun.

When the squirrel next raided the bird feeder, the gun runner fired at the squirrel.

In less than ten seconds over a thousand shells attacked and destroyed the bird feeder and anything on or near it.  When the shooting was done, the squirrel complained noisily from the top of a nearby tree.  The first three seconds’ worth of bullets had missed the zone of the bird feeder entirely, giving the squirrel ample time to escape.

“You really should never shoot guns,” the gun runner was told, “The squirrel is alive, and the seed is destroyed.”

The gun runner shrugged and replied, “Problem solved.”