The Parable of the Sports Car

Josh lives.  Josh walks.  Josh breathes.  Josh speaks. 

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher, is it just me, or are crazy gunmen coming out of the woodwork since it’s looked like Congress might get serious about regulating guns?”

Josh spoke thus:

A man was looking at a car in a show room.  It was a very fast car, and it wasn’t too expensive.  He could afford it.

“You know what they’ll say,” the man’s companion said to him.

“What will they say?” the man asked.

“They’ll say you’re ‘of a certain age,’” the man’s companion said.

The man was “of a certain age,” it was true.  The man knew about being “of a certain age.”  

The man’s testosterone, the television told him, must be low.  The man’s love life, the television told him, must depend on pills.  These the man deemed to be untrue.

The man would question his career choices, the magazines told him.  The man would question what he had achieved.  The man would question his legacy.  The man would question his choice of companion.  The man would want someone younger.  These the man deemed unpalatable.

The man would want a sports car, the advertisers told him.  This the man deemed obvious.

And everyone would definitely say that the man was “of a certain age,” the man's experience told him.  This the man hated.

“Of course I want a sports car,” the man told his companion, “I’ve always wanted a sports car.  You know I’ve always wanted a sports car.”

“But you haven’t felt you needed one,” the man’s companion said, “And you’ve never considered that you deserved one.”

“It’s neither of those things,” the man said.

“Is it death?” the man’s companion asked.

“It is death,” the man said.

“Are you afraid of death?” the man’s companion asked.

“I’m afraid of dying never having owned a sports car,” the man said, “I’m afraid of dying never having run with the bulls at Pamplona.  I’m afraid of dying never having seen the Taj Mahal.  I’m afraid of dying never having learned to play the piano, or speak German.”

“You will never learn to play the piano,” the man’s companion said, “And you have no need to speak German.”

“And I’ll die never having done either,” the man said.

“And a sports car will fix that?” the man’s companion asked.

“A sports car will fix that,” the man said.

“And how will your sons get to hockey practice?” the man’s companion asked.

“I don’t have any sons,” the man said.

“Maybe you can buy a piano,” the man’s companion said.

“Or some pills,” the man said.  That may have been a joke.