The Parable of the Drug Bust that Wasn’t

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher, how long until marijuana is legal in all 50 states?”

Josh spoke thus:

While driving home, a sheriff’s deputy spied two teenagers on a street corner conducting a transaction.  The sheriff’s deputy stopped to question the two teenagers.  The two teenagers ran.  The sheriff’s deputy followed the two teenagers.  The two teenagers split up and ran in opposite directions, one right, one left.  The sheriff’s deputy followed the teenager who ran right.

The teenager who ran right ran down an alley too narrow to fit the sheriff’s deputy’s vehicle.  The sheriff’s deputy stopped the vehicle at the mouth of the alley, blocking any escape, stepped out of the vehicle and called down the alley.

“Come out!” the sheriff’s deputy called out, “I’ve got the alley blocked.  You can’t get away.”

The teenager who ran down the alley did not reply.

“Don’t make me follow you in there!” the sheriff’s deputy said.

The teenager who ran down the alley did not reply.

“I know you were selling drugs,” the sheriff’s deputy said, “Or you were buying drugs.  I couldn’t tell if you were the buyer or the seller.  But you were buying or you were selling.  And I know you were buying or you were selling.  So come on out, and I’ll take it easy on you.  Don’t come out, and I’ll make it hard on you.”

The teenager who ran down the alley stepped into view in the sheriff’s deputy’s car’s headlights.

“What are you chasing me for?” the teenager who ran down the alley asked.

“What did you run away for?” the sheriff’s deputy asked.

“I don’t have to answer that,” the teenager who ran down the alley said.

“You do if you ever want to leave this alley,” the sheriff’s deputy said.

“I ran because you were chasing me,” the teenager who ran down the alley said, “Why were you chasing me?  I wasn’t doing anything wrong.”

“Were you buying drugs or were you selling drugs?” the sheriff’s deputy asked, “It’s illegal to buy drugs or sell drugs in this state.”

“I wasn’t buying drugs or selling drugs,” the teenager who ran down the alley said, “I was buying concert tickets.”

“On the street?” the sheriff’s deputy asked, “You couldn’t do that online?”

“They’re One Direction tickets,” the teenager who ran down the alley said, “If anyone knew I was buying One Direction tickets...”

“Let me see them,” the sheriff’s deputy said.

The teenager who ran down the alley handed the sheriff’s deputy the tickets.

“Aw heck,” the sheriff’s deputy said, “I’m too damn drunk to read these.  Just get out of here.  And don’t let me ever see you buying or selling drugs.”