The Parable of the General

Josh lives.  Josh walks.  Josh breathes.  Josh speaks.

One day while teaching, Josh was asked, ”Teacher, how is gerrymandering like a filibuster? 

Josh spoke thus:

In the Year of Revolutions, a general had no rebellion to put down.

His neighbor to the north had a rebellion.  His neighbors to the east and to the west each had a rebellion.  His southern neighbor had three rebellions.

The general had no rebellion and his army sat.

The general was old, and the general did not have many years left.  Indeed, the general was near retirement. 

Already members of the king’s cabinet were whispering.  Already the king’s neighbors were naysaying.  Already the general’s colonels were slowly shaking their heads in sympathy behind the general’s back and planning their ascents.

“The general is old and overly cautious,” the cabinet members whispered, “Our neighbors might strike at any time, and where would we be?”

“The general is old and irascible,” the naysaying neighbors said, “He’ll get us into a half-cocked conflict.”

“The general is old and out of date,” his colonels agreed among themselves, “His tactics need replacement.”

The general had fought in many wars.  The general had fought on several continents.  The general had fought for more kings than there were now kings ruling on this continent.  The general was wise, and the general was clever, and the general was a tactical genius.  But the general had never before commanded an entire army of his own.  Now he had an army of his own.

The general had prepared his army to be ruthless.  The general had prepared his army to be swift.  The general had prepared his army to be precise in action and efficient in execution.

All of the general’s neighbors feared him.  The northern, the eastern, the western and the southern armies knew better than to fight him.  Twice at least, a disastrous conflict had been prevented by a careful word behind closed doors, a military expert to a king, advising against a war with the general.

As a result, the general commanded peace while his neighboring generals tilted against rebellions.

So on a crisp autumn morning, the general invaded his neighbor to the north, the general invaded his neighbors to the east and west, the general invaded his neighbor to the south.  

“Why did we invade?” the public asked the king.

The king needed a justification for the war.

“We invaded our neighbors because their rebellions are a threat,” the king told the public, “Our neighbors covet our peace.”

Then the king asked the general, “Why did we invade?”

The general replied, “How is it you know so little about war?”